My 20 yr old neice is making some poor choices. How can I guide her without making her upset?
My neice has been out on her own since she was 17. Her mom and her had a huge fight. Her mom and I haven't spoken for 8 years. So I have tried to be there for my neice when she needs me. So far she's done pretty well for herself. But it seems as though she makes some financially bad choices. She's co-signed for her boyfriends motorcycle. (and this isn't the first time she's forked out money for a boyfriend). Aparently he's suppose to get her name off of it. Hasn't done it yet. She had an 05-06 nissan sentra, and moved her boyfriend (who is 18), in with her. She thought may be if they moved in with her sister and her bf, that would save them money. And it would have, but things didn't start off well and now they have gone their separate ways. Still with the bf. She traded her nissan sentra in for a nissan frontier 'off road' truck. She constantly is taking it out mud boggin' and playing with it as if it's a 4×4. She also lets her bf drive it. Now today I find out she went camping….
and got her truck stuck after going thru a river bed. Her truck won't start. Brand new truck and she (from what I gather) drowned her engine. I told her to let it dry and it should start right up.
My question is: How can I help her make some good choices in life without upsetting her? It seems when I try to let her know what she shouldn't do because it will affect her financially, she doesn't really listen. That's the only vehicle she has. If she allows her bf, or continues to rough house with it, she's going to lose it. And still have to pay for it. She's also living with her bf's parents since they moved out of the apartment that they were going to share with her sister and her bf. Her pmts on her truck are $580. and the truck only cost 25 grand. That's steep! I kept telling her that it would be wise financially not to get a truck right now. But she did anyway. I told her not to be forking out money for another boyfriend. And she did anyway. How on earth do you guide young adults?
You sound like such a wonderful aunt.,But if she already 20 and refusing to listen, Don't let her ruin your life.Sometimes you have just back off. let them lose it all and see what life's all about. when she has lost it all. love her, and feed her, but never bail her out with money. This sounds so mean. But I promise you giving them money,and bailing them out only make the matter worse. My step son whom I love as my own and was and have been very over protective of him as his real mom is dead. He bonded to me more than to his real dad. did fine until he started partying, doing the same cars deals as you are going through now., during a freak accident ,he almost had his leg amputated. and for one year I thought I would go crazy. trying to get him up and on his feet..His Insurance Co. awarded him a quarter of a million dollars.His dad and I tried to lead him, down all the right roads. But his head to turned to stone. he got hooked on drugs big time. and he would, not come around me high, because he loved me. But he knew more than we did,.it took him about one year and a half, and he was broke. sold every thing he had, and bought more drugs, then started stealing, and got into trouble, I went to the court and begged the judge to put him in rehab, and he did. but he has gone straight down hill .He now lives with a girl he married ,then divorced
and they have 4 babies now.They are milking the welfare system to death. We have bought all the kids cloths and shoes, plus we give him abiut 100.00 a week for diapers and things the kids need.There just no end. So please don't do this. to your self. Also he has lost his driver linscens and it will cost about 1200.00 dollars to get them back. plus SR-22 insurances. He looking for us to do that. When the baby's 6 weeks old .and his girl friend, goes back to work. We are through.finaically with him. He will then, get what everybody else gets, on birhtdays and Christmas. All we are doing is enableing him. So we have no choice, but to stop. if we love him. He made the bed, and he will now have to learn to lie in it. So love your neice, But, let her get her own self out of her jams. Do it for her best interest. God Bless.
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Unfortunately I think despite your best intentions, she is 20 and is capable of making her own decisions (foolish though they may be) and with the choices that she is making now, it seems like she will have to learn the hard way and she will. I would suggest being supportive when things don't work out right instead of saying "I told you so"-that way she will come to you and know you will be there when she really needs you. Maturity comes with time and in the end she will realize that you were looking out for her all along. Also you can pray for her-God listens and understands when she won't. Unfortunately she is at the age where she probably really wants to be independent and won't really listen even though you are trying to help her. Just be patient and she will figure it out in time. Good Luck and she is lucky to have an aunt like you!
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You sound like such a wonderful aunt.,But if she already 20 and refusing to listen, Don't let her ruin your life.Sometimes you have just back off. let them lose it all and see what life's all about. when she has lost it all. love her, and feed her, but never bail her out with money. This sounds so mean. But I promise you giving them money,and bailing them out only make the matter worse. My step son whom I love as my own and was and have been very over protective of him as his real mom is dead. He bonded to me more than to his real dad. did fine until he started partying, doing the same cars deals as you are going through now., during a freak accident ,he almost had his leg amputated. and for one year I thought I would go crazy. trying to get him up and on his feet..His Insurance Co. awarded him a quarter of a million dollars.His dad and I tried to lead him, down all the right roads. But his head to turned to stone. he got hooked on drugs big time. and he would, not come around me high, because he loved me. But he knew more than we did,.it took him about one year and a half, and he was broke. sold every thing he had, and bought more drugs, then started stealing, and got into trouble, I went to the court and begged the judge to put him in rehab, and he did. but he has gone straight down hill .He now lives with a girl he married ,then divorced
and they have 4 babies now.They are milking the welfare system to death. We have bought all the kids cloths and shoes, plus we give him abiut 100.00 a week for diapers and things the kids need.There just no end. So please don't do this. to your self. Also he has lost his driver linscens and it will cost about 1200.00 dollars to get them back. plus SR-22 insurances. He looking for us to do that. When the baby's 6 weeks old .and his girl friend, goes back to work. We are through.finaically with him. He will then, get what everybody else gets, on birhtdays and Christmas. All we are doing is enableing him. So we have no choice, but to stop. if we love him. He made the bed, and he will now have to learn to lie in it. So love your neice, But, let her get her own self out of her jams. Do it for her best interest. God Bless.
References :